Childhood

I go by the name Kunle and I have a thing for chickens….yes I said it, “a thing for chickens”. Y’all probably be thinking I’m a weirdo or I’m being followed by 3 witches from my village *lol*…buh hey I don’t care, neither do I give a F*#K…all I know is that I have a penchant for chickens.

When I say I have a thing for chickens, I don’t mean I love eating chicken oooo (whether fried, roasted, grilled or boiled). I actually love ‘em like friends that I can talk to and share whatever is on my mind with…weird baa??? Hehehehehe…..Gat mad love for them tho, but it has greatly reduced now that I’m all grown and lemme borrow the words “more sensible” (if you dare abuse or laugh at me ehnnnnn).

During my childhood days, I was known for my wittiness, cunningness and unconditional love for chickens. My mom had a mini poultry back then and I was the General Overseer of it.

Every day, I’d wake up very early, clean the poultry and feed the chickens before going to school. At times, I do take my favorite chickens to the bathroom and treat them to a lovely bath…Chai!!! Thinking of these things now makes me feel like slapping myself continuously *covers face*. One thing I was known for back then was that I hated the act of killing chickens. To me it was like killing a human being. So my mom always sell the chickens and their eggs, she never for once killed any chicken (except you want me to go all HULK HOGAN on you).

The only day I hated most was “Christmas Day”, ‘cos that’s the day when one or two chickens is/are killed all in the name of celebrating Christmas (why evuls)*rme*. So whenever it’s Christmas, we only ate every other edible thing except chicken. In my mind I was thinking that my family supported my “SAY NO TO THE ACT OF MURDERING CHICKENS” movement, not knowing that they always sneak behind me to devour the chicken *snitches*.

One thing that baffled me then was the way they hatch their eggs. I once asked my mom why they had to sit on their eggs till they hatch, and she explained that heat is transferred from the body of the chicken whilst sitting on the egg which therefore makes the egg to hatch…I was like “hmmmn interesting….God is really marvelous”.

There was this particular egg that had over-stayed its incubation period. Normally it should take 21 days for an egg to hatch, but this egg was already spending 28 days and that got me really concerned.. I even talked to my mom about it & she told me not to worry that it'll eventually hatch. But I wasn't cool with that answer.
On this fateful day, I came back from school quite early. There was no one at home, so I went to check on the egg & it still hadn't hatched. Then one thought came to my mind...after saying this, I know y'all gonna crucify me...This was what popped up in my head, 

"Kunle, don't you think the heat from the chicken is not enough to hatch this egg??? Since you're bigger than the chicken and you have more body heat, why not hatch the egg yourself"

Na so my mumu self undress till I was bare & ...wait for it, wait for it *drumroll* its coming, wait for it *drumroll*...Yeah!!! I sat on the egg *covers face*...Sometimes I think about my childhood & just  S(._.  ) M( ._. ) H(  ._.) .
Initially I felt uncomfortable 'cos I didn't wanna exert my entire weight on the poor egg so that it wouldn't break. Later on I could feel my anus bumbum getting a tad hot, then I thought that with this much heat, the egg would hatch in some minutes time. Not knowing that I was a big jonzer. After spending about 2 hours sitting on the egg, the door to the poultry opened & guess who it was???????? *ghen ghen ghen ghen*.

I got the beating of my life that day mhen *crying*
Momsy almost beat me to stupor. As from that day, my proclaimed "love" for chickens diminished.